Hey guys! Well, now that you’ve probably read my Godzilla (2014) review I’m gonna talk about some other things I’d like to discuss but didn’t include in the review because they involve spoilers. To be honest, it was pretty difficult to review the movie without addressing certain spoilers, and a couple of them are hugely significant in the story. So with that said, here’s my fair warning: Thar be spoilers below, mateys!

(Stop reading now unless you’ve already seen this movie or don’t mind spoilers.)


Okay, well I’m not so sure how many people already knew this before seeing the movie, but Godzilla’s not alone in this film. There’s not one, but TWO other monsters in this film, known as M.U.T.O.’s (Massive Unidentified Terrestrial Organism). There’s a male and a female, and they’re trying to mate, which would inevitably bring forth the Apocalypse. Godzilla is aware of this, and he’s not about to let that happen. Not in his house!

This is the basic premise of the monster plot in Godzilla (2014). Godzilla has heard their mating calls, and he’s going to show these M.U.T.O.’s that he’s still the boss around here. The whole movie sets up the stage for this epic battle between Godzilla and the M.U.T.O. couple, although I argue in my review that it kind of ends up falling flat. It just feels like there’s no real weight to the fight. The punches don’t hit very hard, and lack the colossal impact you would expect and hope for. There are a few pretty cool moves thrown in there, but the fight itself is disappointing, and a lot of it is obscured from view. You would think that having 3 giant monsters duking it out in San Francisco and thereby laying waste to the city and killing thousands of innocent people would be a bit more… I don’t know… awesome?

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By the time we get to actually watch the fight, it’s already been going on for hours, yet it certainly doesn’t feel like a long-running endurance battle. That’s probably because the director has been withholding our front row tickets until the last 20 minutes of the movie. Then when Godzilla finally finishes off both of the M.U.T.O.’s using his atomic breath attack, I couldn’t help but wonder why he just didn’t use it sooner. His decision not to use it earlier arguably almost cost him his life, as he might have died if not saved by the main character, Ford, in super cheesy fashion. Of course it just so happens that Ford blows up the M.U.T.O. nest when Godzilla is pinned down and nearly defeated, and of course the explosion gives Godzilla an opportunity to break free and reclaim the upper-hand in the battle. After all, Godzilla is the real hero of this film.

This takes me back to the whole issue of Godzilla as being the world’s savior. While it’s not the first time Godzilla has been a good guy, I certainly have some issues with it here. It makes it seem as though all of the damage he does is an unintended result of him battling the M.U.T.O.’s. It’s like for Godzilla, this is just another long day at the office. He makes an appearance just to put an end to this romance and he gets the beat-down of a lifetime, but prevails and dusts himself off to go back home. And with that, he’s a hero and savior of mankind. It was then that the people of the world finally realized that Godzilla is not a monster, but a loving, misunderstood giant. It’s pretty silly if you think about it, right?

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Godzilla’s an ally to the humans, even though they attack him in the movie and have been secretly dropping nukes on the poor guy for decades, without the average citizen even being aware of his existence. He first comes to the rescue in Hawaii, where he confronts the first M.U.T.O. in an effort to save American lives. Unfortunately, we’re not really given access to watch this showdown we’ve been waiting for, because the director decided it would be best as a teaser for what’s to come later (I thought that’s what trailers were for). Then when the M.U.T.O. flies away to the Continental U.S., Godzilla miraculously swims all the way there in what seems like roughly an hour. He’s also accompanied by a large US Naval fleet during most of his swim, joyfully demonstrating his American patriotism and allegiance. Godzilla: An American Hero! Is it coincidental that in an American-made Godzilla movie, he only fights to save American cities? It seems a little suspicious to me…

 

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I’ve heard more than a few people refer to Godzilla (2014) as being “The Dark Knight of Monster Movies”, so it’s really funny to me how well this portrayal of the big guy matches up with the end of that movie. “He’s the hero [Earth] deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he can take it. […] He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector… a dark knight”. (Roll credits). So for those of you who still don’t know Batman’s real identity, well… it turns out he’s Godzilla.

I’d also like to spend a little time talking about the M.U.T.O.’s themselves. Personally, I thought they were kind of generic and lame. They seemed uninspired to me, looking like some bland, futuristic, irradiated aliens. They kind of reminded me of the terrible bad guys from Iron Man 3. Or even like a bad rip-off of the Cloverfield monster. Though, I have to confess that when we first see the leg of the first M.U.T.O., I was totally giddy with excitement over the possibility that it was actually Cloverfield and that the movie would be pitting Godzilla versus Cloverfield. I think that would have been mind-blowingly awesome. It would have been an unlikely matchup, but undeniably cool.

GodzillaVsCloverfield
Okay, okay. So this spoiler blog is turning into a much longer rant than intended, so I’m going to wrap it up by mentioning just a few other things that I thought were particularly cringe-inducing. For instance, are the humans really so stupid to continue flying fighter jets around the convergence point at San Francisco Bay, despite having already been long aware that the M.U.T.O.’s have an EMP attack? What the heck was that all about? Did they throw that in just so we could watch jets falling from the sky and crashing all over? Umm… okay, thanks, cool! Oh, and then there’s Elizabeth Olsen running back and forth with a crowd of people during the final monster battle. Anyone else find that to be totally facepalm funny? Hahaha, the poor girl. Try as she might, she couldn’t escape this bad movie. Okay, and one last thing to conclude here. Godzilla is toppled by a building. Godzilla, the King of Monsters, He who topples buildings, has been toppled. The tables have turned! This was really funny to me in the worst way possible. Then the movie makes it seem like he died from it. He “almost dies” about 3 times in the movie, but after a long dramatic, motionless pause, he always gets back up. The Dark Godzilla Knight rises, and he will return!
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5 Minute Movie Guy
5.20.14

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